Thursday, January 22, 2009

Poop

A grown man holding a small boy by the heels and swinging him back and forth (they are both laughing joyfully) asks:

What is the effect of magnesium on loose stool?

I don't like to think about poop. I suppose you do. There are a lot of people who enjoy the dissonant feelings evinced by poop thought. It is a triumph of the self over the social to ask an authority -- or faux-authority -- figure about poop. Congrats. You have done it. Now I am in a position to deal with your poop. That kid you are swinging by his heels is laughing at me. Fantastic .

I have never exposed poop of any kind to magnesium. I am not sure why one would want to do such a thing. Poop is perfectly fine when it is moving smoothly and predictably away from me. I would rather not move closer to it.

I did extensive research for this post, none of it involved getting any nearer to poop than I have to be in my normal life. Instead, I sought an authority. Upon inquiring with the Wise Daniel Charles H., My own understanding of the value of poop expanded massively. Daniel knows a lot about subjects that will always make his character critical in the third act. Should we need to understand weather patterns, identify planes in flight, or utilize LED lights in an unconventional way, DCH is the go to guy.

He is also very clear about poop.


2 comments:

  1. I don't know if there are any affects on the stool itself, rather on the physical processes of making said stool. A fine point to be sure, but a point nonetheless. Not that magnesium makes stool pointy. However, my wife is particularly fond of the brand Calm. It is some sort of powder dissolving stuff that operates in warm water to be consumed for purposes of over all tranquility. I have not figured out whether regularity comes on the side, or as a product of said tranquilizing.

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  2. And I'll point out that the password dealio on that last comment was "colog."

    No joke.

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