Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Why Call The Answer Phone?

Dear Answer Phone: The Internet answers all questions, so what would someone need to contact a service such as yours for?

I can answer this hurtful and ignorant question in two ways. Which is, by the way, 1,000,000 less ways than the internet would. So make that three ways. I am concise while the Internet is verbose. That is the vestigial, obvious third way.

Firstly, the Internet answers queries, not questions. If you can compose a well formed query with no logical flaws, the Internet will reward you with a cascade of positive responses. You the poor querior are then left to adjudicate. Do you decide that this 1998 article in a Finnish paper is more accurate than a recently archived IRC chat?

You ask me questions and I answer them. I cook the answers thoroughly and provide tasty side dishes.

Secondly, I am a little scatterbrained and it is sometimes entertaining when I say, for instance, that there are two ways to answer a question but can no longer remember the second way that I intended to answer once I have written the first.

Can I offer you some tea?

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